103 - The Cycle of Addiction
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Addiction is a disease, but its genesis is related to the trauma, and subsequent toxic shame that occurs relationally.
It is actually a neuro-physiological sickness that originates relationally and emotionally.
When we, as children, reject our vulnerable need for emotional connection with our important caregivers and other emotional influencers, we end up suppressing our true self and this creates toxic shame.
A person with addiction is driven by his/her anxiety of anticipating negative outcomes, and they seek to relieve themselves from this anxiety of anticipating negative outcomes.
The need for relief from anxiety and the energy required to suppress genuine feelings and needs sets a person up to seek relief from anxiety.
The relief comes in the form of counterfeit fulfillment of genuine relational connection.
Counterfeit fulfillment “feels” like relationship with self, others, and even God temporarily, but it is not genuine relational connection because the person is avoiding their core feelings and needs.
A person who is addicted continues to struggle in a cycle of escaping his/her feelings. This cycle is usually associated with what people call “stress.”
This cycle works as follows:
An event occurs that a person has feelings about and the feelings need to be addressed.
The person has increased anxiety, promoting a “need” for escape.
Preoccupation with control over unwanted feelings and negative anxiety begins to be the focus of the “threatened” person.
Plans of getting relief from anxiety and feelings develop, while denial remains intact.
The person does the addictive behavior or “self-cure” to find comfort, escape, or pleasure.
A recognition of not genuinely being fulfilled after practicing “self-cure” behaviors eventually leads to some form of despair.
The person in “despair” makes promises to do “better” with one’s own conscience and with some others.
Promises can only be fulfilled through a person’s will power because they do not draw their strength from connection to their own emotional-relational security and with others and God.
Because life events continue to occur, the cycle is triggered over and over again, with promises unkept and despair increasing.
The cycle eventually creates a spiral of “missing” the lives we are created to experience, relationally and spiritually.
Please download the free resource of The Addiction Cycle at chipdodd.com.
Dr. Chip Dodd
Voice of the Heart Center