30 - The Rediscovered Treasure (Part 3)

Jul 31

Episode Highlights

The focus of this episode is a recording of a men’s retreat that Chip did in Texas in 1993. The retreat content was edited and put on CDs. The CDs were included with the first edition copies of The Voice of the Heart published in 2001.

We are born as emotional and spiritual creatures. We are born with feelings. Before we ever think or speak our first word, we are expressing ourselves as feeling creatures.

We experience life in the very beginning as God made us through our feelings and through the longings to be in relationship with our mothers and fathers.

We came out of the womb experiencing life through what we feel.

We came out of the womb looking for who was looking for us. We were looking for emotional and spiritual connection through relationship, before we were ever able to think or speak.

This emotional and spiritual language is the language of the heart.

We communicated from the very beginning of our lives with our feelings.

Hurt

is a feeling you feel when you experience a wound.
is possibly the most embarrassing feeling we carry and experience.
is acknowledging that someone or something “got to me.”
is a feeling that acknowledges that I am vulnerable.

Hurt that is not acknowledged becomes resentment. It is the impaired expression of hurt. It is a justification of your right to act badly towards another person because you carry a pain that they’ve given you. Resentment takes us out of relationship.

People who won’t acknowledge their hurt, hurt others with their resentment. (Hurt people, hurt people.)

Loneliness

God gave us loneliness so we would seek out relationship.
We can be lonely for ourselves. There are times when we just need to be alone and have solitude.
We can be lonely to be with others.
There is a loneliness for “home” (heaven, or to be with God) that will not go away while we live on this earth. We will always walk this earth with some loneliness because we are not complete. We are lonely for God.

Loneliness that is not acknowledged becomes apathy.

Apathy develops when you try to make your heart stop caring about relationship.

Sadness

is a feeling you get when you lose something that matters to you or is important to you.
is the feeling that honors; it values what you value.
is a cleansing feeling.
is how you relieve ourselves from carrying the burden of the pain of daily life.

Sadness that is not acknowledged becomes self-pity. Self-pity is a way of trying to escape your pain.

Self-pity says:

“Nothing ever turns out good for me.”

“It’s no use. I may as well give up.”

“Nobody cares.”

“No matter how hard I try, nothing ever works out for me.”

“I’ll just go eat that box of Twinkies.”

When you cannot have sadness or value what you lost, and when you cannot ache within over what you lost, you are following the philosophy of the world.

Anger

is hunger.
is hope.
is “I wish.”
is “I desire.”

Anger that is not acknowledged becomes depression and pride. It is a refusal to need and care.

Anger and rage are not the same. Rage is a rejection of your hunger, your hope, your wish, and your desire. Rage is harmful and scary.

Anger is an acknowledgement of the depth of my desire. Anger keeps me connected with my heart. Anger is passion that is expressed in a healthy way.

Anger is valuable. Anger makes movement.

Fear

is a feeling that tells you that you’re in danger.
is the feeling that helps you turn yourself over to God. (“God I’m in danger. This is bigger than me. Will You take it?”)
is the feeling that makes you give up on God, because of anxiety.

Fear that is not acknowledged becomes anxiety. Anxiety causes you to walk away from God.

Healthy Shame

is humility.
is the recognition that I make mistakes.
is the acknowledgement that I am not God.
recognizes that I am in need. I need you and you need me.
is the acknowledgement that I don’t have all the answers, and you don’t either.
keeps me from worshiping me and keeps me from worshiping you. (There is only one God.)
acknowledges that you and I are human, and you and I are going to harm each other.

Healthy shame allows us to cooperate with each other because none of us have all the answers. Healthy shame says, “My sink is leaking. I can’t fix it because I don’t know how. I need a plumber.”

Shame that is not acknowledged becomes toxic shame.

Toxic shame says:

“I should have known better.”

“I should do this.”

“I should do that.”

“I should have more quiet time.”

“I should be smarter.”

“I should be more athletic.”

“I should make more money.”

Toxic shame tells you that God can’t work unless you do it right, unless you earn your way, unless you live up to the standard.

Toxic shame makes you believe that you have to be the answer or have all the answers.

Toxic shame leads you into tons of anxiety. It tells you that we are a mistake, rather than you make mistakes.

Toxic shame takes you away from the truth of how God created you.

Guilt

is a feeling that you get when you have done something wrong.
is always about what you do.
is a feeling that calls you to seek forgiveness.

Guilt that is not acknowledged becomes toxic shame.

Gladness

is the feeling of joy, serenity or contentment.
is also a willingness to be sad because you know that the gladness will not last.
is an outcome of being adept at the other 7 feelings.

Gladness that is not acknowledged becomes a pursuit of external experiences that distract you.

Sensuality-satisfaction vs sensitivity-satisfaction. Sensuality-satisfaction is satisfaction of the flesh. Sensitivity-satisfaction is awareness of the heart.

We are made to feel life.

Feelings make us vulnerable.

Vulnerability pushes us towards that which we actually crave, relationship.

Either we admit how we’re made and have our lives, or we run from how we’re made and we actually miss our lives.

Admitting powerlessness and confessing neediness is really a key that:

unlocks a treasure trove of passion, which is a willingness to be in pain for something that matters more than the pain.
unlocks a treasure trove of freedom and forgiveness; it moves us to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.
opens up a treasure trove of faith that grows out of fear, neediness of wisdom and having a sense of Lming, and acceptance of something that is not ok, and that’s ok.

Dare to love, knowing its cost.

Dare to pray, knowing that you have to wait on answers.

It’s all about having the courage to dare to be vulnerable so that you can live fully in a tragic place. The eight feelings let us live fully in a tragic place.

To downplay something that transformed your life is to disregard the gie of life and also to disregard God as a giver.

For a deeper study of the 8 feelings, check out both of these resources by Dr. Chip Dodd: