46 - Gratitude - Life is a Gift
Episode Highlights:
There are three books that listeners may wish to go to about gratitude:
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp which I mentioned in the last episode. This wonderful book deals a lot with gratitude that can come from loss and grief.
Gratitude Works and Little Book of Gratitude by Robert Emmons. These two very practical books were written by Emmons, a researcher who has studied the benefits of gratitude, how to develop it, and sustain it.
When we experience life as a gift, then we, as the receivers of the gifts in life, naturally have gratitude. Emmons and others have shown that having gratitude benefits our emotional and spiritual lives, as well as our physical well-being and our prosperity. Gratitude multiplies itself with its impact. When we yield to being in need of others and God, and experience the effect of needing, we receive a yield, or a harvest of benefits.
Not only do we have an expectation of good things in our lives, we also are able to recall good things in times of trouble. For example, recalling or remembering times when we received something good can help us persevere in troubled times. We can hang on to hope because of remembering.
When we lose gratitude or have never been able to develop it, what awaits us is what our defenses leave us with. Our defensiveness stops us from changing in many ways. Though we can justify our defenses, and they are understandable as to their origins, they will keep us from finding gratitude. Our defenses are usually about preventing something from happening that has happened before. So, rather than truly being open to new experiences, we are actually looking for old things to be repeated. We literally become incapable of having new things occur because our defenses keep us from vulnerability. We hope less, to not get hurt. So, we try to need less, to not be caught off-guard by disappointment. In other words, the things we do to protect ourselves very often can lead us to block us from experiencing gratitude or new things that are good.
If we lose gratitude, we tend to become envious, and we do a lot of comparing, which is often the thief of joy. We also measure ourselves against others. Am I “better” or “worse” than them? Sadly, we would rather measure than take the risk of being able to be with them without “watching out” for danger. We can also become resentful, hiding our hurt and getting stuck in blame. We protect ourselves, rather than being open about ourselves (trusting our own strength). We also become anxious in our fear of not having control. We live ashamed of our neediness, as we talked about in the last episode. We are ashamed of having healthy shame.
To learn more about healthy shame, listen to:
Living with Heart Podcast episode 19, “Feel your Feelings, Part 1”
Living with Heart Podcast episode 20, “Feel Your Feelings – the Eight Core Feelings, Part 2”
The good news is that if you have come this far in life, there is great hope for your future, in spite of multiple heart breaks and heart aches. You may have forgotten many good things in your life, while you were attempting to keep from getting hurt again.
I am not judging anyone who has been hurt, or even very harmed. Our survival mechanisms are good. They really do protect us from more harm, if we can stop it. Thankfully, there is still more to have in life beyond the survival that saved us. We can still thrive.
Gratitude is thriving medicine.
By remembering, you may find more gratitude than you even realize you had!
Here are some questions to answer that may reawaken thankfulness and appreciation. They may help you find that you have more hope with that thankfulness. Consider using these questions as journaling prompts.
Who has helped you in your life?
What people helped you make it this far?
Who has cared about you with a word of encouragement, a hope, a touch, or time?
Who have you laughed with and cried with?
Who have you shared hopes and fears with?
Where have you seen God’s “fingerprints” in your life?
What one accomplishment are you thankful about without minimizing it?
What have you heard about God loving you personally? Could it be true?
Dr. Chip Dodd
Voice of the Heart Center