6 - The Need for Security (Part 1)

Feb 28

Episode Highlights:

“Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.” I Corinthians 11:1 (NASB)

If we’re going to imitate Christ, the number one strength that kept Jesus from ever needing to repent was His neediness.

We need to start with dependency and neediness as the triumph over the world.

Jesus never separated Himself from needing and depending on His Father.

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” Mark 1:35 (NIV)

Jesus’ ultimate dependency was expressed in the Garden of Gethsemane where He poured out His humanity. He poured out His fear, sadness, hurt, loneliness, anger.… (Matthew 26:36-45)

Neediness is the key that brings us strength. If we will face our needs and hand them over to God and others to be met properly and legitimately, we will literally, through dependency, become independent.

We are created as emotional and spiritual creatures who are created to do one thing in life and that is to live fully through relationship; facing how you’re made; taking how you’re made to others (who are made the same way) and to God Who made you.

Needs of the Heart by Chip Dodd

The Three Movements - Feel your feelings; tell the truth about what is going on inside you; and hand it to God.

“Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, ‘Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?’ Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, ‘Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?’ No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.” Deuteronomy 30:11-14 (NIV)

The Process – Bringing how we are created to God, and letting Him be in control. God’s way of handling life, for us, is better than we can do! But giving it to the process (giving it to God) requires that we bring how we are created to God. That means, we bring our emotional experiences and spiritual search to the One who seeks our hearts.

Our hearts are in conflict when we trust the process. This conflict is ultimately between the reality of where we live and the truth of how God made us. The truth of how we are made requires that we remain vulnerable to relationship with others and God, in a reality that “punishes” vulnerability—rejects sadness, mocks fear, humiliates hurt, anaesthetizes loneliness, etc.

The Process is discussed in greater detail in the following “Living With Heart” episodes:

“Introduction to The Process” Season 2, Episode 17

“Trust the Process” (Part 1) Season 2, Episode 23

“Trust the Process” (Part 2) Season 2, Episode 24

The Four Realities:

The best we are ever going to get is clumsy.
Live life on life’s terms.
Everything in life is practice.
It really does take a lifetime to learn how to live.

These Four Realities give us permission to be in need of each other.

The Big universal battle is The Truth of How God Made Us versus The Reality of Where We Live. Generally, we contend in these four areas:

Creation overcomes destruction.
Hope overcomes despair.
Courage overcomes death.
Light overcomes darkness.

(These four areas are what great novels and movies are written about.)

Life is tragic; God is faithful.

People who don’t admit that they are in need are the most dangerous people. (A pilot who doesn’t go through a check list and doesn’t rely on the co-pilot, is a fool.)

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Matthew 23:12 (NIV)

God created us to have so much more than we allow ourselves to have.

We need to know what we feel and need, so we can expand ourselves into the lives we are made to have.

Needs of the Heart by Chip Dodd, page 24

The Psalms are “photographs” of a person’s life experiences. The words of the Psalms are an expression of where a person is emotionally and spiritually. These words always express to God:

This is where I am internally (feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope.)
This is what I’m hoping, anticipating and expecting (I’m hoping to be helped, healed, rescued, guided, forgiven, restored, etc.) This leads me back to praising God again or praising God even before the hope is fulfilled.

A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene H Peterson

The Psalms call us to do something that we are trained, because of reality, to reject. We reject doing these things because it’s clumsy; because it’s embarrassing, because there are mistakes, because of pain and heartache, and because there is helplessness that makes us cry out.

The Psalms call us to live life to the full, from grief to celebration.

“To Live In The Hearts Of Those Left Behind Is Not To Die” is found on the tombstone of Francis Bavier, “Aunt Bee,” (Andy Griffith Show.)

The Psalms are all about relationship. They take us to a need for security.

Security is met by having a place we can go and tell the truth about:

What it’s like to be us.
What it’s like to want.
What it’s like to struggle.
What it’s like to celebrate.
What it’s like to be where we are.

And in this place of security, we receive a response that says:

You’re welcome here.
We have a great bandwidth of tolerance for your struggle.
You won’t be judged or condemned.
You will be supported.

Dr. Donald Winnicott, British pediatrician, child psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst

A child needs a place called security, and security is found in the presence of another whether it’s God or a person we can lean on who can tolerate our struggle to find life to the full in a place that wants to rob us of it.

Children and adults, too, just need a soft place to land, a place of security.

If a man doesn’t gain the capacity to be needy, he is not what his spouse needs. In fact, she ends up living in the threat of keeping him secure and propping him up because he is invested in what he does. (“Look what I’ve done.” “Aren’t you proud of me?”)

If you’re going to be in leadership:

You need to be able to be leaned against (Be gentle.)
You need to be available. (You know yourself.)
You need to capable of vulnerability (Without harming others.)

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20 (NIV)

Your spouse, children, and best friends (the people who love you most) are least impressed with what you‘ve done that the world values you for.

Often extramarital affairs come out of the person’s demand to be appreciated for what they do rather than being loved for who they are.

“Home” is a place where we’re able to bring the security of letting others struggle and also bring the security of being able to confess our struggles.

A person who denies struggle is a person who: