72 - Pitfalls of Leadership: #1 Work Becomes Confused with Worth

Jun 17

There are 5 Pitfalls of Leadership. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one finds freedom from them.

The 5 Pitfalls of Leadership Are Interconnected and Work in a Descending Order:

One’s work becomes confused with one’s worth.
One’s performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence.
People become things.
In order to be an example to others, one isolates his/her true self.
Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.

This episode will focus on Pitfall #1: One’s Work is Confused with One’s Worth.

Leaders can draw crowds, get things done, or set themselves apart from others through accomplishments or talents. This work can be good and true. However, a leader can confuse the crowds, the feedback, and accomplishments with his/her worth as a person.

Sadly, A leader’s sense of confidence and value can begin to go up or down based upon the applause they receive.

While pursuing one’s worth in the “workplace,” being a “Dad” or “Mom” loses its importance and sense of value/purpose.

This effect can happen to professionals, little league coaches, church volunteers, and PTA presidents.

A leader can easily forget that their worth comes from being human. Worth is inborn; we don’t lose it.

The crowd looks for what the leader can give.

God and loved ones look for the heart of who the person is from the inside out.

Worth tied to the crowd can mean loss of recognition of worth as a person.

Finding Methods of Prevention

When leaders fall or fail, so often they are simply replaced to keep the mission or agenda going. That is not a bad thing related to the responsibilities of the mission; however, we need also to be curious enough about what created the fall or failure to find prevention methods that can reduce negative, even tragic, outcomes.

There is Always Hope

If a leader doesn’t catch himself/herself in the early stages of Pitfall #1, it isn’t the end. Very often, the failure becomes a “doorway” into a new world of a new life, even a better life. This “better” life requires a recovery process with guides and helpers; otherwise, the negative process usually continues.

Work Becomes Confused with One’s Worth

Somewhere in the “growing up” years, leaders who get trapped in the Pitfalls have lost or become confused about what self-worth is and means.

Self-Worth

One’s worth is in-born. You and I are born with intact knowledge of self-worth.

Self-worth is displayed at birth, even, as we:

cry out with our feelings
reach out with our needs
crave connection with how we are created

We can offer nothing (of worldly value) as young ones, and yet beautifully expect “everything.”

This process of knowing our worth, and having expectation is about growing up into who we are created to become: human beings who know their worth, can see the worth of others, and share their gifts with a world in need of the gifts.

Self-worth is inborn, bestowed upon us by a loving God. We can neither add to our worth, nor can it be diminished. It can only be expressed.

Becoming secure in self-worth requires that a child is affirmed to know that their tears are valuable, as well as their laughter.

However, we can lose connection to our self-worth.

Loss of Connection to One’s Own Self-Worth

The initial loss of self-worth occurs when a child’s behavior/performance is more important to their parents and significant others than their heart is.

Their actions matter more than personal expression.

Acting takes precedence over the truth about one’s feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope.

Sadly, the child doesn’t learn to integrate how God created them into the life they are living around them.

They risk losing what creates a competent human being:

Curiosity: A willingness to risk and be vulnerable by asking questions about what we do not know.

Courage: Being able to give your whole heart to something, knowing that you may be hurt.

Compassion: The ability to care about another because you know and relate to another’s pain because you do not deny your own.

Self-esteem Takes the Place of Self-worth

When self-worth (valuing yourself) is not accepted, we learn to build self-esteem through our “success” stories and achievements. If you make the certain grade, if you have a certain outcome, if others approve of your actions, then you are “okay.” If you do not make the grade, then you are not “okay.”

If you get trapped on the roller-coaster of self-esteem, you begin to believe that your inherent worth is based on your performance, rather than God-created value.

The trap of self-esteem is that anything that can be built can be torn down.

When a child is raised to find “worth” in building self-esteem, the building can never be high enough, and the foundation can never be secure enough to support the building.

We all are driven by a need to belong and matter. We will belong and matter one way or another—through our inborn self-worth or by building unstable self-esteem to replace how beautifully we are actually created.

Leaders who begin being trapped in their “growing up” years by this denial of self-worth, and the subsequent counterfeit replacement of self-esteem, are at high risk for Pitfall # 1.

Comparing Self-worth and Self-esteem:

In making a comparison between self-worth and self-esteem, what do we say we need when one proverbially “falls off a horse”?

Self-worth:

In the world of self-worth, we need help:

We need someone to care and encouragement us about what to do next. We need someone to help us understand and learn about what happened and how to improve our decision . Also, we need someone to help us make a smart decision as to whether or not we even need to “get back on the horse.” Acceptance and growth occur through you being how God created you. You are not doing life alone.

Self-esteem:

Sadly, in order to feel like we have worth in the world of self-esteem, we need to “get back on the horse.” Which means that no questions are asked, no needs are expressed, and no learning or growth takes place. Acceptance occurs when we get approval based upon what other people value you for. No growth occurs. You are doing life alone.

To avoid the Pitfalls requires that we actually attend to how God created us.

All of the episodes of Living with Heart: From Birth to Death are concerned with educating and expressing truths about how God made us.
Every episode speaks to living fully, loving deeply, and leading well as to God’s creation of us.
The listener can choose any episode and find this educational focus.

We are all created to perform, but the motivation behind the natural expression of performing is the big difference maker.

Everyone needs others to show them how to live this life and how to maximize performance outcomes.

Last week’s episode (episode #71) quoted Teddy Roosevelt’s “The Arena.” That quote from his speech speaks to what we are created to do. What it doesn’t include is what we all need from some others.

Every leader needs a Champion. Everyone who enters the arena of challenge, and champions a cause, needs to know that there is someone behind them who champions them.

All leaders need. All leaders need someone to help them grow, and remain confident and competent. All leaders need others who can help them learn to “ride a horse.”

The best word to describe a Champion is an advocate.

Advocate means to be a voice for someone who has lost their voice or is struggling to keep their voice. I write about it’s beauty in the novel, Anthem to the Invisible. (Amazon or Audible).

Once your work and worth become confused, home and home life begin to take a backseat to the need to prove your worth. Work takes over one’s values and understanding of love. Family becomes secondary and friends become tertiary. This sets up the next step downwards.

There is a way out of the Pitfalls, and it is foolproof. The way out does not stop productivity or mission. It actually fuels both.

Out of the Pit

These pitfalls can be avoided or turned right-side-up by practicing three principles:

The leader can reawaken to and practice feeling his/her feelings.
The leader can practice telling the truth about his/her feelings.
The leader can practice sharing his/her neediness with safe, trusted others whom they discover as they enter the process of knowing and sharing their hearts.

The willingness to accept oneself as a human being and grow in heart can move mountains of problems.

Leaders can begin this healthy process that points them toward: