86 - Parenting with Heart: Big Results from Simple Actions
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.
2 Helpful resources along the parenting journey:
Link to 8 Feelings for Children Chart
The focus of this season on “Living with Heart: From Birth to Death” is parenting.
Some of the content in these episodes loosely connects to the book, Parenting with Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd.
Big Results from Simple Actions - Chip Dodd, Ph.D.
The following is a list of eleven qualities that make leaders worth joining and make participants valuable to leaders. These eleven simple actions are what leaders and participants do who create vibrant, sustainable, productive environments in which excellence is the norm. The list also speaks to what parents hope their children will learn and what children hope their parents already practice.
In addition, the list speaks to how friendship is honored, and how marital partners express respect for one’s self and their spouse. The driving force of these qualities comes out of what psychology calls an internal locus of control and what the rest of us call being responsible because it feels good and it’s good to do.
Simply put, the action-oriented qualities listed below show that a person brings ability, effort, and excellence to what they do.
If you open it—close it.
If you unlock it—lock it back.
If you drop it—pick it up.
If you borrow it—return it.
If you use it—take care of it.
If you break it—fix it.
If you can’t fix it—call someone who can.
If you mess it up—clean it up.
If you give your word—keep it.
If it is your responsibility—own it.
If it encourages someone—say it.
To summarize, I end where I started. The actions listed above are what make leaders worth joining, and make participants valuable to leaders. The actions speak to what parents hope their children will learn, and what children hope their parents already practice, so they can learn. In addition, the actions speak to how friendship is honored, and how marital partners express respect for one’s self and the other.
People who live the list, imperfectly of course, aren’t watching what others are doing. They are paying attention to what they are doing because it feels good and it’s good to do.
These people like:
having ability
applying effort
enjoying excellence
Parents want their children to grow into responsible people.
An old adage says, “What we see, we practice; what we practice, we become.” Children need to see others exemplify what they expect from them.
Parents need to routinely practice simple actions that lead to big results.
Children need to hear the purpose of being responsible with “simple actions” to begin to see the benefits of experiencing a sense of “belonging” in a family. This is the beginning of participating in a community.
Children also need to see that the simple actions of responsibility are not onerous burdens, they are ways of caring for one’s things, order, and others.
Benefits of responsibility:
Responsibility is not about what people “should” do or a set of rules, only. Developing responsibility becomes what psychology refers to as an “internal locus of control.”
“Internal locus of control” is the ability to make choices that are good for me because I have a sense of agency, or I feel that I matter and belong.
The word responsibility comes from “response ability,” which refers to the ability to make choices based upon feelings, needs, and desire.
Simply put, becoming responsible feels good. It means that we have value, what we do matters, and we are capable.
Being responsible is a form of fulfilling the “Golden Rule.”
When we grow in helping create order and mattering by helping, we are expressing the “Golden Rule.” Jesus says, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12, NIV)
When we help create order, we help teach order. When we create order, we encourage others to do the same, unless we operate as parents with “perfectionism” or “demand,” which discourages cooperation and community.
When I was at Disney World years ago, I recognized all the work and attention to detail that was involved to create an experience of pleasure for the customers, including attention to garbage. In my appreciation for their efforts, I would pick up napkins or cups left behind or dropped by someone else. Their care for the customer became my care for their focus on others.
Simple actions really are connected to big results; they can lead to the development of expressing love.
Dr. Chip Dodd
Voice of the Heart Center