Five Principles for Meaningful Vacations

Principle #1: Make memories instead of creating misery 

Think back to your favorite childhood memories. Chances are, among the picturesque moments there were times when “life happened”. These are bizarre or hilarious situations that initially stressed the family - like when a flat tire happened on the way to a vacation, or when there wasn’t a hotel room to be found at a late hour. Just as we did, our children learn from and even find comedic enjoyment from the “bad” moments of the summer…eventually. Our first principle to having a meaningful summer takes the pressure off of parents to create Instagram worthy, picturesque experiences. 

So, what does it mean for us parents to make memories with our children? The first principle is a challenge to stay present with your kids/adolescents during both the special summer outings or the mundane summer days. When in these moments, let go of the anxiety around squeezing out every ounce of fun - this approach will be sure to backfire. Instead, stay present in the gift of getting to be with your children. Do not attempt to enforce happiness, trust God with the outcomes you so desperately desire for the time and focus on creating memories your children will hold on to for the rest of their lives. Whether or not you see or hear it from your children, your child’s greatest highlight during the summer is time to connect with you.

Principle #2: Don’t vacate yourself during vacation

Vacation is a poor word to describe what your heart is attempting to do during this precious time. To vacate literally means “to move out of and go away from”. Ironically, vacation often accurately describes our adult experience: gorging, overindulgence, hungover, and the irritability that inevitably follows. In this true form of vacating, we attempt to leave ourselves behind, at home, getting away from reality with its push and pulls that cause us pain. Getting away from yourself really means getting away from your family. 

To have a meaningful summertime a man or woman must stay connected to their own hearts. Please stay involved with yourself, the person your children have waited to be with all year. In other words, go be yourself with the people you love. On vacation you can:

·       go to bed earlier so you can wake up and have a moment to be with yourself

·       dream about the future

·       wonder

·       connect to the God who made you

·       take books that excite you and journals you can create in. 

Our small children never stop playing, creating, wondering, and wanting more. Small chunks of time with yourself prepares you to fully participate in the world of vacation your children and loved ones are experiencing. Don’t just watch, fully participate in what is going on around you.

Principle #3: Have an itinerary, not a command center

“Herding cats” is an appropriate metaphor for a parent trying to force kids and teens into a rigid vacation schedule. Plans are important, vital even to a well-experienced time with family during the summer. Organization is a good thing, but when it becomes a rigid and demanding commandment to live by during the time, parents become tyrants instead of participants.

On vacations it is important to deviate appropriately, leaving room for your child’s personality and tendencies to be expressed so your family’s uniqueness can be explored more and more. Your family doesn’t have to vacation in an instagram-worthy way. Pull off at the putt putt course, play in the rain, let them sleep in, get two scoops instead of one, stop at the scenic view, and blow bubbles in the parking lot. Listen for the memories your child is wishing to make freely, not the plan you “know” will cement their favorite memories. You never know how lasting that odd T-Rex dinosaur roadside attraction will be in the hearts of your children.

Principle #4: Live the vacation daily, not epically 

In reality, having a meaningful summertime starts long before the month of May. Those who live for the weekend or live to vacate the job they hate for 51 weeks of the year will never get what they need from a vacation. In other words, a good vacation doesn’t help with not living fully throughout the year. Throughout the year we can watch movies, be goofy and playful, engage in activities focused on what our children are drawn to, and ask for their participation in the work of keeping a home. By doing this, the pressure put on summer is released and vacations can become a heightened continuation of your daily practice. 

The sad reality is there is a short window of time to do this with the ones you love most. Focus as best you can on not missing the days, whether they’re on the beach, the bunny hill, or your own backyard. There is a known promise that the days won’t always be there, and they may even end sooner than you realize. So, live the vacation daily, not epically.

Principle #5: Reduce screen time

The most practical principle is simple: have everyone put down their devices and open their eyes and hearts for true connection. We anticipate there will be resistance, new alliances, bartering, blame, and maybe even tears. Stay united with your partner and lean into the struggle. Turn the screens off, and maybe even go somewhere where there is no service! Screens offer cheap, effortless pleasure. This instant gratification produces distraction faster than we can comprehend which steals our children’s presence and participation in all affairs. Putting screens down for set periods of time, including your own, allows all members to disconnect from the digital world and reconnect with life. Screens are useful but relationships provide us life.

Written by Jackson Webb