Parenting | Tools for Parents
Parenting Through Stages of Development: A Reflection Tool for Parents
Teaching:
Our children do not stay the same as they age - change and seasons are the constant reality. This can be frustrating, exciting, and grievous! A main tool for you to use to connect with your children through development stages is to remember what it was like when you were a child, early adolescent, or older teenager.
Donald Winnicott, a pediatrician in the 1950s, introduced the idea of "good enough parenting" — a pushback against the belief that parents must be perfect or are always to blame. He believed that resilience is formed not in perfection, but in the clumsy, messy reality of family life, where children feel both supported and challenged. Kids don’t need flawless parents - they need human parents.
Remembering your own childhood helps you relate to your kids. A parent who refuses to remember what it was like to be a child will struggle to connect — even though the child can’t stop trying to connect.
Please remember: Children grow, struggle, change, and develop over time - yet the main tool to connect through all the changes is the heart. The heart doesn’t change, we just develop into communicating it or hiding it. You and your child both feel feelings, have needs, contend with desire, long for heaven, and hope for more. Each of you have a heart. The heart is the essential meeting place between a parent and child to “grow up” together.
Reflection & Memory Activity: Take 2 minutes per age group. Write or draw key words, memories, or feelings. Do this on your own, with your partner, or even with older kids.
What were you like between ages 6–8?
What were you like between ages 9–11?
What were you like between ages 12–15?
What were you like between ages 15–18?
Discuss or Journal:
How are kids today the same as they’ve always been?
How do your memories shape how you parent?
What does it mean to you to be a "good enough" parent (as opposed to “perfect”)?
Try This With Your Kids: At bedtime or dinnertime, try saying:
"When I was about your age, I felt ___."
"I used to ___ when I was bored/sad/happy."
Let your child see the kid in you. You’re not just raising a child — you’re connecting with the one you once were.