63 - The Twelve Movements and a Woman's Life
We just concluded a podcast series called, “The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life.”
Although the series applies equally to women, I focused on men for three reasons:
Men have a history of losing their focus as leaders, and not recognizing their importance to each other, their marriages, families, and society.
There is a great need for men to be “response able” with their power, to avoid forms of being controlling and demanding and/or quitting when things become stressful.
There is a need for men to continue to develop the capacities to live with integrity and passion, because society inherently depends upon the character of men to be vibrant.
Good men are essential and crucial to marriages, families, community and society. If good men don’t rise, bad men multiply and societies crumble.
“The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life,” also presented a picture of the man that a woman needs and hopes will come into her life.
Every woman (who wishes to be with a man) seeks to:
Be cared for by a man who can care.
Be rendered secure by a man who is secure.
Be protected by a man who will advocate for what is right.
Be understood as a feeling creature, as a man knows himself as a feeling creature.
Know that a man will give himself to a cause greater than her, without neglecting her.
Women and Men have to face certain realities in life:
We are all works in progress. “Clumsy” or imperfect is as good as we will ever become. We are all like giraffes running on ice, as parents, spouses, children, leaders, etc.
We have to live life on life’s terms. We will have to learn how to struggle, deal with feelings, be in need, face loss and in spite of everything, love!
We have to face that everything in life is about practice. Medical doctors are referred to as “practicing medicine,” just as lawyers practice law. We are all practicing daily, as parents, spouses, and people in general.
We have to face that it really does take a lifetime to learn how to live. We never arrive at a place while we are living to say, “I know longer have to struggle with being human in an imperfect world.”
But we are created to face life’s realities with four essential truths:
God is with us in a tragic place.
God goes ahead of us as we step into our futures.
God never leaves or forsakes those who need Him.
God makes us strong and courageous.
All men and women need to struggle with and deal with these realities and truths.
How Women and Men are the Same:
All men and women need mentors to grow their abilities and callings, whether the mission is the calling to parenthood or a calling to lead a corporation.
Men and women have equal worth, inherent and created by God with that worth.
Men and women have the same intellectual, will-power desire, and moral compunction capacities. One gender is not better than the other one in these areas.
Men and women have different gifts, but we are God’s masterpieces, Episode #61.
Every man and woman is called to “love God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30 NIV)
Men, however, generally possess a physical strength that separates them from women.
Men use many rationalizations and justifications to excuse the abuse of power through physical means.
Men have placed women in a position of having to survive by instinct and subordination of their worth for centuries because of men’s abuse of power to provide and protect, and therefore, to withhold and abandon.
This is why the Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life are so essential and crucial. Men’s history of taking advantage of each other, and anyone who doesn’t have their strength is undeniable.
There are difference in our “sameness”
All humans have the two primary needs, to belong and to matter. (These two primary needs are discussed in depth in Episodes #3 and Episode #4.
However, the way that a woman’s need to belong and matter is met, and the way a man’s need to belong and matter is met is different:
A woman’s need to belong and matter is met primarily by knowing she is secure.
A man’s need to belong and matter is met primarily by knowing he is appreciated.
The woman’s need to belong and matter takes precedence over the man’s need to belong and matter. She must have the “heart” experience of security before she can meet the “heart” need of the man to be appreciated.
Therefore, a man needs to understand and grasp with his heart how to love a woman as she is created by God to be loved, so that he can receive the love he himself craves.
It doesn’t matter that the way life works seems unfair! The beginning of maturing as a man begins by wanting to live fully badly enough that he accepts the way life works in order to be able to work successfully within its context.
Men need to learn “how to love a woman’s heart” in order to be successful in marriage, family, love, and ultimately living fully if he so desires to also be loved well by a woman.
Join us for the next three episodes, “How to Love a Woman’s Heart.”
Dr. Chip Dodd
Voice of the Heart Center