70 - Understanding a Woman's Heart: Conclusion and Women Referred to as Ezer
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God has created “woman” with extraordinary gifts. These gifts that need to be encouraged and expanded. Women have for centuries been minimized and diminished, sometimes mistakenly using God as the “reason” and “right” to do so.
A man has a responsibility to honor his spouse with encouragement, and with the security that supports the expansion of her gifts.
Conclusive Main Points of “Understanding a Woman’s Heart,” Episodes #63-#69 before sharing the importance of the Hebrew word Ezer, which is used to refer to women in the Bible
The Need to Listen:
A great sadness in many marriages is that the man actually doesn’t truly listen. So often, he is so “busy” attempting to “prove” himself, “earn” love through performance, and mistakenly equating being respected with actually being controlling, that he ends up being responsible FOR her rather than response-able TO her. Episodes #32 and Episode #43.
The man often believes that:
If she has feelings, he has to fix them, rather than listen to them.
If she is in a “mood” or thinking “negatively,” he has to change it, rather than be curious about her.
If she is behaving in ways that he doesn’t understand, he has to stop it, rather than question her to find out more.
If he is going to be emotionally connected to her and get his own needs met, he must “read her mind,” which discounts actually listening to what she is saying, rather than simply being humble enough to believe what she is saying.
Suppression of Expression = Depressing the Heart
If the man doesn’t learn the “art” of listening to the woman (Episode #68 and Episode #69) he will be participating in suppressing the person that God created to be fully alive. The “fruit” produced by a woman who is fully alive, will be diminished.
“You are on earth. There is no cure for that.” Samuel Beckett:
Regardless of the mistakes that all humans make in relationship, we are inevitably and inextricably created for relationship and its benefits. Mistakes and pain in relationship are always going to be part and parcel of marriage. Each person must be able to relate to suffering and what it is like to be a human being on this earth. Each person must develop great tolerance for being imperfect. This side of heaven, there is no perfect.
A Man Needs to focus on being a Redeemer More Than Focusing on being a Provider Unless the man has a Redeemer’s focus about the woman’s heart, he will not be prioritizing what she most needs; she needs the man to relate to her as to “what life is really like.”
The man must grasp the power and purpose of Luke 10:25-37, the Parable of The Good Samaritan. This story is about someone who knows the pain of life and who is able to relate compassionately to someone who is rendered powerless by the tragedies of life. Jesus recognizes The Good Samaritan as a person who grasped the meaning of The Golden Rule: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)
A woman needs this focus more than to be provided for, though, of course, provision is essential.
Men and Women are Equal:
We feel, we need, we desire, we long and we hope. We are the same, and the differences that we have as man and woman do not mean inequality; the differences can mean shared opportunities.
The Path to Security that Leads to Appreciation:
As shared in Episodes #63-#69 of this series, “Understanding a Woman’s Heart,” a man must gain the character disposition of:
Gentleness
Availability
Vulnerability
These characteristics establish an atmosphere of:
Safety
Stability
Support
In this atmosphere, family members, especially the woman, experience security. No one has to live in denial of their heart’s struggles.
Appreciation grows as the relational intimacy is reinforced by:
Dating
Dancing
Listening
Dating, dancing, and listening actions need to become consistent—though they will be imperfect, always imperfect, which is just simply inevitable; thus, the need for great tolerance.
The man will know appreciation and the woman will know security.
No one is “proving” themselves; each person is getting to be him or herself.
The shared fellowship in the relationship bears much fruit as each person returns the love they receive. Emotional and spiritual intimacy grows each person. Each person is assisting the other person in becoming who God created them to be.
Woman as Ezer:
In Genesis 2, God calls the woman he created, Eve, but the reference to woman as a group is the Hebrew word, Ezer. Not only does it mean helper and supporter, it also means strength and power. The word Ezer is used 21 times in the Old Testament, two of which refers to the woman. The other 19 uses of Ezer refer to God as helper and supporter!
An example of Ezer (the name that refers to woman) referring to God is displayed in Psalm 121:1-2. It says:
I lift up my eyes to the hill—
where does my help [ezer]come from?
my help [ezer]comes from the LORD,
The Maker of heaven and earth.
(Psalm 121:1-2 NIV)
Rather than woman being in a subordinated role, or what many have been taught to see as a role in which the woman’s voice is diminished, God names woman, Ezer, helper, supporter, strength, and power to human beings. In marriage, Ezer, is predominantly in reference to giving care and aid to the man. Goel, the Hebrew word for man, is in reference to the man bringing a redeemer’s heart to the relationship. Ezer and Goel become the mutually shared equality of great worth before God, and the capacity for great sharing with each other, as equally important, and of equal value!
Kristi McClelland’s Bible study, Jesus and Women: In The First Century and Now is an excellent Biblical source to read in depth about Ezer and the value of women to God.
Dr. Chip Dodd
Voice of the Heart Center