78 - Out of the Pit: Living in Recovery
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.
The Pitfalls of Leadership are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects.
Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”
The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others.
The Five Pitfalls:
Work becomes confused with one’s worth.
Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence.
People become things.
To be an example to others, the true self is isolated.
Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.
These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.
Living in freedom from the Pitfalls is work. It is a daily activity and a lifestyle.
In the Pitfalls, we are driven by what we are running from. Essentially, we are running from:
Feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope that expose our vulnerability;
Telling the truth about our hearts that expresses our need of others;
Trusting a process that we are not in control of, which expresses our distrust of God.
The daily activities that become the recovering leader’s lifestyle are:
Confession - the acknowledgment of my own healthy shame, and need of others and God.
Admission - the full awareness that I do not have control over life, and the more I attempt to get control, the more unmanageable my life becomes.
Surrender - practicing believing and trusting that God has control; therefore, I give myself to God and the way God works, because my attempt to control life hasn’t worked.
Acceptance - the practice of turning my heart and life over to God who cares for me, knowing that whatever happens, God wants good for me because I am loved.
Daily activities have to be practiced until we see the results and their benefits;
The daily practices become a lifestyle.
The leader eventually desires for his/her life to be different and adopts the new lifestyle because it is “better” than what life was like in the Pitfalls.
Stepping into Recovery is scary, but worth it.
Some people describe it as “wanting to hide in a closet rather than experience the admission of feelings,” because of the loss of control and the experience of vulnerability. The leader is doing something they actually don’t know how to do. They are in need and they are not in control, but when they share with the “right” people, they are safe and cared about.
The “right” people are those people who are using the same daily activities and living a recovery lifestyle. They can relate with compassion, and help with what they have learned.
The “right” people can assure the leader that their greatest need, to be safe and to be cared about, will be met by these people. They have mercy to offer, having been in similar struggles. They have discipline to offer, having known the work required to deal with what recovery requires.
Recovery requires tenderness and toughness. It is not for the weak, as most leaders assume.
The leader begins to care about himself or herself, the true self that God created. God created us as emotional and spiritual creatures, created to live fully. We do so by living fully in relationship with our own hearts, the hearts of others, and the heart of God.
The work is hard and requires that the leader be willing to fight for recovery. They must “show up” and have the courage to live truthfully from the heart.
In recovery, we are actually stepping into the experience of the Beatitudes.
The leader begins to grasp what the first Beatitude means; “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3 NIV) Their neediness has opened up a doorway to a new life and a new process of living fully present and fully productive.
For more on how to live the Beatitudes, please read, The Perfect Loss: A Different Kind of Happiness, by Chip Dodd.
To live in recovery, remember:
You cannot do it alone. Recovery requires others and God.
You have to be willing to receive mercy.
You will have to humble yourself and ask so you can receive, seek so you can find, and knock so the door will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7, NIV)
You must take ownership of your mistakes, and the harms you have done.
You have a sickness; as an image bearer of God, you are not—The Sickness.
You will need to feel your feelings, tell the truth about them, and trust God with the outcome (God owns the process of how life works).
You will always need to keep listening and learning.
It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. This fact requires patience in the process and passion for recovery.
Recovery is a beautiful story. Before you realize it:
You will become a witness of recovery’s blessings.
You will have friends who love you and you love them.
You will become as much of a husband/wife and parent as you were a producer and achiever.
You will have a story that you cannot deny; you will be a witness:
This is where I was.
This is what happened.
This is where I am now.
Others will be blessed by you, because everyone needs to experience their own recovery of heart.
Dr. Chip Dodd
Voice of the Heart Center