Season 11: Episode 118 - Ask Anything - How do I make the most of our Summer?
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No Magic Wand
If parents had magic wands, most of us would tap our children with one.
At minimum, we would guarantee a future of being a good citizen of their community.
Even more, we would bless them to make a significant impact for good.
Even better, we would give them the wish fulfillment of their own hopes and dreams.
Parents do not get to escape the rigors of parenting, and children do not get to escape the rigors of growing up.
Even without a magic wand, we can create an environment and offer our strength to help children face the rigors of growing up.
To do so, parents must do four most difficult things:
1. We must let them fail.
2. We must let them feel.
3. We must let them struggle.
4. We must let them learn.
Whether we like it or not, children have to grow up in the same world that their parents grew up in.
The realities of life are going to occur—hopes dashed, hopes resurrected, hopes attempted, hopes fulfilled, and heart-ache.
We can offer something of immeasurable value to our children in order to assist them in their learning curve of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well.
There is a “place” and a “person” we can offer our children of any age.
We can become a “safe place to land” for our children.
Being a “safe place” means that we give our children an environment and a person to turn to in order for them to be able to face, feel, and deal with life’s difficulties—and celebrations—without terrible fear of rejection.
This person knows that the name “Dad” or “Mom” is the most important title they will ever have, and it is the title that children want you to value above all others.
Children hunger for you to have empathy for your own history of pain:
So, you can relate to their pain
So, you can be “response-able” ant NOT reactive in fear
So, you can be redemptive, offering hope, mercy, and forgiveness.
So, you will be truthful. They need to know that your “yes” is not a compromise; your “no” is not thoughtless; and “I don’t know” is the beginning of finding out more about whatever is not known.
To summarize, your children need you to become a portable sanctuary, a place and a safe person they can reach out to with their hearts.
This sanctuary allows them to share the truthful difficulties of failure, feelings, struggle, and learning.
These things will give them more than any ritual blessing, any vacation, or any milestone event. They will have gotten to live in relationship with you, and they will carry those memories with them.
Dr. Chip Dodd
Voice of the Heart Center
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