98 - Addiction and its Formation
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In this new season, “What is Addiction” we will focus on three main aspects of addiction:
what addiction is
how addiction operates
what recovery entails
How Addiction Operates
Addiction as a feelings problem
Addiction is a “feelings” disorder. A disorder of not knowing how to face, feel, and deal with the feelings that come with living life on life’s terms.
Life is a “feelings” experience, one we don’t control as much as we must face, feel, and deal with as wisely and productively as we possibly can.
To face life wisely and productively requires that we live in connection with others and God in an intimate way.
The substitute for living relationally connected is to distract ourselves from our own needs. This means that we attempt to find a counterfeit connection that offers a relief, but not what we genuinely need.
The distraction from our own hearts becomes the addictive process.
Addiction is marked by negative consequences for the addicted person, but their actions don’t change.
Addiction also has its foundation on the defense of denial.
Denial has five characteristics:
Denial of facing the reality of what is occurring.
Denial of the feelings related to reality.
Denial of the needs related to the feelings.
Denial about talking about the first three characteristics.
Denial of the need to trust that things can actually be different.
Addiction is rooted in toxic shame.
Toxic shame is the internal sense of contempt a person has towards
their feelings and needs
the “clumsiness” of being human
the reality of imperfection
All people addicted to any form of control over facing, feeling, and dealing with life on life’s terms struggle with toxic shame.
Toxic shame develops as reaction to emotional rejection in one’s development for which there was no genuine repair.
Toxic shame triggers the development of Codependency.
Episodes 32-44 present an in-depth conversation and exploration of Codependency.
Addiction creates loss and isolation by:
Separating the true self from being known
Blocking a person from being connected emotionally
Creating a “need” for secrecy
Making a person more and more defensive
Putting others in a position of either enabling or separating
Destroying what a human being is created by God to experience
Addiction stops us from living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that others can emulate. Addiction blocks us from seeing who we are created to be, so we can do what we are created to do.
Dr. Chip Dodd
Voice of the Heart Center